When I Was Downhearted

When I Was Downhearted

I just finished reading a novel which got the Pulitzer Prize. Hailed by critics, news papers, translated into many foreign languages, filmed and supervised by a famous stage manager, … Meanwhile my book was rejected by publishers. I’m not “deaf” nor “blind” to hear, to read, about what is said, commented about the book and the writer, which makes one feel bad, sad, to bear a heavy heart as “the Ugly Duckling” in the story of H. Andersen.

These thoughts then dawned on me. I don’t remember who said it:

On what merits could I pride myself above others? Suppose it were so, it certainly was not because of my own efforts, except through what was given me by God.

Perhaps being the better of someone was because I‘ve got a bit more talent, a keener nose/eye on beauty, or it might be that I was better equipped with patience, discipline, diligence, perseverance, …

And if someone surpassed me, be more lucky than I was, why should I envy him? That too was what the Creator had granted him.

If people regarded me, as a good, honest man, what is there to be proud of? Perhaps my “thirst”, “hunger” after rank, official duties, wealth, “forbidden fruits” wasn’t so severe. This too wasn’t because of my own exertion.

The earth-worm, “naked”, without physical members, without voice, wings, it certainly is grateful and happy. Busy grubbing, living in the soil, it doesn’t envy the nightingale who warbles so sweetly, nor does it envy the butterfly with its delightful, colorful wings and drinks honey. All of them busy and happy with what was inborn in them.

That’s what I remember he said. Now am I happy as I have regained my peace of mind.

From Pelita, November 12, 199